7 Keys for Developing Clear ROE

“Therefore the law is holy, and the commandment holy and just and good” Romans 7:12

Why do we need the law if we are under grace?  Why develop Rules of Engagement (ROE) with people you love and trust?  Will such rules not ruin the relationship and send a message of distrust?  The Apostle Paul made it very clear why the law was necessary; it was our guide, our tutor pointing us to Christ.  Without the law we would have no need for Christ and we would not value the grace that He brings.  With Christ, the law becomes a reminder of the consequences of sin and the dangers of not walking in grace.  Remember, Christ did not come to abolish the law but to fulfill it.  Christ was the full manifestation of the law.

Rules of engagement or ROE are the guiding principles governing the boundaries of relationships, the expectations of transactions, and how we manage crises and settle disputes.  Rules of engagement assume that there is a possibility of failure in the relationship; thus, they provide guidelines on how to address failure and a redemptive path towards restoring the relationship.  After Adam sinned, God’s redemptive path for mankind was the requirement of work for provision and the sending of His Son to reverse the curse of the law.

How do you develop rules of engagement that are redemptive in nature and full of grace and not bound by the curse of the law?  Of course there are various types of ROE but all should include the following basic key elements:

1. Be specific
2. Be clear and simple
3. Be forgiving:  make the redemptive path clear
4. Provide clear direction on how to resolve conflict
5. Provide consequences for non-performance or compliance
6. Provide rewards for compliance and above-the-norm performance
7. Provide a clear exit strategy for all parties involved

Based on the complexity of the relationship and the transaction, you should always consult an attorney to make sure that you are within the bound of the law and that you have not omitted critical elements that may create legal issues for you in the long run.  However, be careful not to allow attorneys to lure you into legal tactics that are designed for you to spend more money than necessary or to completely embrace a worldly approach and ignore the kingdom mandate.    Remember, the goal of any rule of engagement is not to avoid conflict but to provide a redemptive path to resolving the conflict.  There will always be conflict in relationships and keep in mind that not everyone will have the same frame of reference on how to deal with the conflict, and even if they do, sometimes not everyone is willing to adhere to the redemptive path.  For that reason, rules of engagement are essential.  I challenge you this week to seek God’s face concerning your relationships.  Ask Him to show you where rules of engagement need to be applied, and for grace for all parties involved to adhere to them.