Love is Kind

What is the difference between being ‘kind’ and being ‘nice?’ How do you exercise kindness even with those who are not kind to you? What are the benefits of being kind even to those who do not deserve it?

“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” —  Ephesians 4:32

Have you ever heard someone make the statement, “I love my spouse but I do not like them?”  I believe that this is a common statement from married couples who want to express how they really feel without violating the principle of unconditional love.  The problem with this statement is that you cannot really be kind to a person you do not like.  Kindness is the second expression of unconditional love from I Corinthians 13.  True love is kind, not just nice. ‘Niceness’ is a defensive response so we do not come across as mean. On the other hand, ‘kindness’ is a proactive expression of love.  For instance, you could say, “I’m nice because I have to, but I’m kind because I want to.”  You see, kindness is a choice.  To be kind means to be friendly, generous and helpful.

You may say, “But what if the person is unkind?”  That is an even greater reason to be kind!   The Bible calls us to overcome evil with good.  This is proactive not reactive. David was kind to Saul even though Saul was trying to kill him.  He protected Saul, and when Saul died, he even punished the person who assisted in his suicide (I Samuel 24:1-22, 26:11-25, 2 Samuel 1:1-16.)  Jesus was kind to his persecutors, even praying that God would forgive them because they “do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 22:49-51, 23:34)  Stephen did the same thing as he was being persecuted; I believe this is probably what led to Saul’s conversion since Saul was the leader behind the persecution. (Acts 7:54-60, 8:1-3)  God heard the prayer of Stephen and saved Stephen’s chief persecutor, Saul. Saul was transformed, changed sides, and did more to advance the Gospel than any of the other apostles (Acts 9:1-19.)

How do you exercise kindness to those who may not be kind to you?

• Forgive them for what they have done or are doing to you
• Pray for them that God will change their hearts and forgive them
• Pray that God gives you the grace to be kind despite their unkindness
• Identify key things you can do to bless them based on their love language and personality
• Expect nothing in return

It is not easy to be kind to those who are unkind, but it is very possible. It is also necessary if we are going to reflect God’s will in all of our relationships. Please keep in mind that demonstrating this type of  kindness may not transform that person, but rather it is what God does in us and for us because of the kindness we show that truly matters.  As we exercise kindness to those who are unkind God uses it to:

• Draw us closer to Himself
• Cause us to conform to the image and likeness of Christ
• Cause our enemies to be at peace with us
• Show us favor in other ways beyond what we deserve
• Make us a witness so others can be saved
• Store up heavenly riches that await us

Kindness is not what we do for people; it is what we do for ourselves as a reflection of our maturity in Christ and our unconditional love for those whom God has placed around us, especially our spouses.

My prayer for you is that God will give you the grace to be kind to your spouse and those around you so that Jesus can be glorified in you and through you.