Love Does Not Envy

Why does the Bible warn us against envy? What is the danger of envy? How do you know if you have envy in your heart?

“Do not envy the oppressor, and choose none of his ways.” — Proverbs 3:31

In defining love in I Corinthians 13, the apostle Paul gives us some positive attributes and some negative attributes. He describes what love is and what love is not. He tells us that love is demonstrated by what we do and by what we do not do. That means if we do what love is but do not stop doing what love is not, we do not truly love. Love must be complete and unconditional.

The third of the fifteen attributes of love is; “not to envy.” You may ask the same question I asked when I first looked at this, what does envy got to do with love? How can envy hinder my love for my spouse or those around me? Before we answer the question, let’s first define envy. Envy is a feeling of discontentment and resentment aroused by someone else’s possession, qualities or favorable status.

We envy people not because of what they do but because of the benefits they have or enjoy. For example, I envy my friend because she seems to be blessed in spite of how she mistreats others. Her joy and favorable status makes me jealous and angry because she is not paying the price for mistreating others. Not only am I hurt because she has offended me, but I’m not happy with the fact that she has not received the punishment she deserves. Instead, God seems to continually bless her. A similar scenario could happen with my spouse, my business partner, my co-worker, or my competitor.

Avoiding envy when we are in relationships with those who seem to be succeeding in spite of their poor behavior is a great challenge. Somehow, we would feel better if we saw a direct and swift consequence for their misbehavior. While we don’t want God to kill them; we just want Him to hurt them enough to get their attention.

We find several examples of this in scripture. Saul felt so much envy towards David that he no longer could extend unconditional love to him. Not only could he not demonstrate love to David, Saul actually planned to kill him because he felt David was a threat to his kingdom.

David himself envied unbelievers. They seemed to enjoy the best things in life in spite of their misbehavior. David felt as though his obedience did not guarantee him those same perceived blessings (Psalm 73:1-3.)

Cain envied Abel because God favored Abel’s gift over his. This led Cain to commit murder. Joseph’s brothers envied him and as a result threw him in a pit and then sold him into slavery.

Envy can have devastating effect on a relationship. It can turn love into hate and abuse.

Envying others hinders our ability to love them unconditionally. The challenge with envy is that we can be totally unaware that we are envying someone. How do you know when you are envying those around you – including your spouse?

• Do you wish them well, in spite of their mistreatment of you?
• Are you praying for their protection and success despite their behavior?
• Do you admire or resent their prosperity?
• When you have the chance, do you bless them or do you curse them?
• Do you find yourself wishing that they suffer the consequences of their actions?

 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.” Matthew 5:43-48

Our response to this passage is a litmus test. For example, do we only love our spouse when they act lovingly? Or, do we love them even when they are not deserving of our love? It is much easier to love when we deem one is deserving of our love. But to truly love like Christ loved, that means loving those who are not lovable.

It takes great self-control not to wish that people pay the price for their misbehavior. Even those whom we care about! But the danger of yielding to this temptation is that it hinders us from loving the person unconditionally. It could also lead to our abusing them in the same way they abused us. Envy can cause us to choose the ways of those we envy. Refraining from envy not only causes you to appreciate where God has you, but it also protects you from taking on the ways of those who are not loving and becoming like them. This will end the vicious cycle.

My prayer for you is that God will give you the grace to refrain from envying those you love so that you may love them unconditionally.