Three Dimensions of Intimacy

NEHEMIAH WEEKLY DEVOTIONAL by PATRICE TSAGUE

Are you enjoying total oneness in marriage and business with your mate?  
Would you like to identify and remove the obstacles to intimacy in marriage?  
Do you know that enhancing your marriage can improve your business profitability?

Three Dimensions of Intimacy

A few years ago, I coached a couple who were focused on their separate careers. After initially meeting with the wife in order to guide her through Biblical Entrepreneurship III, I discovered that her husband was operating a business that was going through challenges. However, the wife viewed her husband’s business as a hobby, not a serious business, because it had never provided a consistent, stable income for the family. Throughout their marriage, the wife had been the one with the stable income, while the husband, in her eyes, “played” business. And because of that perception, the wife had lost all respect for her husband.

I asked if I could meet with husband and wife together, before giving my final word of advice. She agreed,
and brought her husband to the next session.  After meeting with them both and hearing their complete story, I advised the wife to give up the pursuit of her own business and to bring her corporate America skills to her husband’s business. Together, I encouraged them to build one business, focusing both their efforts on making the husband’s business sustainable. Then, once the first business was successful, the wife could shift her focus back to her business, using their first success as a foundation for the second business. The wife was shocked by my suggestion, but due to her respect for me and her heart to be obedient, she complied.

Within twenty-four months of combining their efforts, their business went from generating less than $200k a year in revenue to several million dollars a year in revenue, and from less than five employees to over a hundred employees. The couple credited their success to the fact that they combined efforts and focused in the same direction. 

But, to do that, they had to first address the dysfunction in their marriage. The root issue experienced by this couple was a lack of unity, which was caused by a lack of intimacy. Often, a lack of intimacy is the root cause of marital disunity and dysfunction.

In Genesis 2:18, we see that God, in His infinite wisdom, creates a perfect match for Adam – a wife.  In English, we translate the Hebrew word in Genesis 2:18 to read “helper.” But English lacks the nuance of the Hebrew language, and “helper” is not an adequate word to convey the original meaning. The Hebrew term used is “ezer kenegdo” – “ezer,” meaning to surround, to protect, to aid and help, carrying with it a sense of strength, and “kenegdo,” meaning corresponding to, counterpart, equal to, and matching.  In fact, the word “ezer” is used several times in the Old Testament to refer to God Himself, and David uses it in the Psalms when he says “the Lord is my Helper [ezer].”

You see, God has placed in the wife something that the husband needs, and in the husband something that the wife needs.  Without each other, they cannot fulfill the purposes for which God has created them.  In order for their unique and complementary giftings to work together according to God’s Divine design, they must build a strong foundation of intimacy.

When we think of intimacy, we often focus on physical intimacy, but there are actually three dimensions to intimacy: spiritual, emotional, and physical.  All three are equally important, and each plays a vital role in “sealing the rib into the body” – that is, in acting as supernatural glue that seals the husband to the wife and vice versa. Intimacy in these three areas holds the key to unity and a healthy marriage.

How can you experience complete intimacy – spiritually, emotionally, and physically — in your marriage?

• Spiritual intimacy
  Begin with a joint commitment to Jesus Christ and the Word of God as the governing authority in your lives and marriage. Recognize that you are one in the Spirit, and prioritize spending time growing in the Lord – both individually and together.
  
• Emotional intimacy
  Focus on spending time together, understanding each other’s spiritual gifts, and the way each person communicates love. Be vulnerable with each other, affirm and listen to one another, cultivate common interests, give each other space, and accept and love each other unconditionally. Nothing builds emotional intimacy like spending quality time together and affirming each other. Affirmation feeds the soul, and quality time strengthens the bonds of love and togetherness.
  
• Physical intimacy
  Accept that physical intimacy is a gift from God and that you both need it! Make the time and space for it, and make it fun, romantic, and spontaneous. Understand that physical intimacy is not emotional intimacy, but emotional and spiritual intimacy are its foundations.

Through the redemptive work of Christ’s death and resurrection, we can experience restoration in our relationships and marriages, which leads to the Lord’s blessing in our work.  We need a healthy, God-centered relationship with our spouse to fully carry out the Kingdom work that God has called us to do.  Each partner, working in complete oneness and wholeness, allows for a complete flow of ideas and insights, leading to fulfillment, satisfaction, and purpose in vocation.  

A couple living in transparency with each other, while pursuing a lifestyle of walking in the Spirit in full spiritual, emotional, and physical unity with each other and with God, is powerfully symbolic of the Lord’s relationship between Himself and His church.

My prayer for you today is that God will motivate you to build a solid foundation of spiritual, emotional, and physical intimacy with your spouse, so that you can fully honor Him in your marriage and business.