Three Dimensions of Intimacy

“Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone?  Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.  And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”  – Ecclesiastes 4:11-12

Are you enjoying total oneness in marriage and business with your mate?   Would you like to identify and remove the obstacles to intimacy in marriage?   Do you know that enhancing your marriage can improve your business profitability?

A few years ago, I coached a couple focused on their separate careers.  After initially meeting with the wife in order to guide and focus her through BE III, I discovered that her husband was operating a business that was going through challenges.  However, the wife viewed her husband’s business as a hobby, not a serious business, because it had never provided consistent, stable income for the family.  Throughout their marriage, the wife had been the one with the stable income, while the husband “played” business. In the process, the wife had lost all respect for her husband.

I asked if I could meet with both her and her husband before giving her my final word of advice.  She agreed, and brought her husband to the next session.  After meeting with both of them and hearing their complete story, I advised the wife to give up the pursuit of her own business and to bring her corporate America skills to her husband’s business.  Together, I encouraged them to build one business, focusing both their efforts on making the husband’s business sustainable.  Then, once the first business was successful, the wife could shift her focus back to her business, using their first success as a foundation for the second business.  The wife was shocked by my suggestion, but due to her respect for me and her heart to be obedient, she complied.

Within twenty-four months of combining their efforts, their business went from generating less then $200k a year in revenue to several million dollars a year in revenue, and from less than five employees to over a hundred employees.  The couple credited their success to the fact that they combined efforts and focused in the same direction.   But, to do that, they had to first address the dysfunction in their marriage.  The root issue experienced by this couple was a lack of unity, which was caused by a lack of intimacy.  Often, a lack of intimacy is the root cause of marital disunity and dysfunction.

In Genesis 2:18, we see that God, in His infinite wisdom and design, creates a perfect match for Adam – a wife.  In English, we translate the Hebrew word in verse 18 to read “helper.”  Sadly, this really is not a good word for the original meaning, and our English language fails us here.  The Hebrew term used is “ezer kenegdo” – “ezer,” meaning to surround, to protect, to aid and help, carrying with it a sense of strength, and “kenegdo,” meaning corresponding to, counterpart, equal to, matching.  In fact, the word “ezer” is used several times in the Old Testament to refer to God Himself, and David uses it in the Psalms when he says “the Lord is my Helper [ezer].”

You see, God has placed in the wife something that the husband needs, and in the husband something that the wife needs.  Without each other, they cannot fulfill the purpose God created them to realize.  In order to tap into each other’s gifting, they must build a strong foundation of intimacy.

When we think of intimacy, we often focus on physical intimacy, but there are actually three dimensions to intimacy: spiritual, emotional, and physical.  All three are important and each play a vital role in sealing the rib into the body, acting as supernatural glue that seals the husband to the wife.  It is the key ingredient to unity and a healthy marriage.

How can you experience complete intimacy – spiritually, emotionally, and physically — in your marriage?

1. Spiritual intimacy:  Begin with a joint commitment to Jesus Christ and the Word of God as the governing authority in your lives and marriage.  Recognize that you are one in the Spirit.  Spend time growing in the Lord individually and together.
2. Emotional intimacy:  Focus on spending time together, understand each other’s spiritual gifts and the way each person communicates love, be vulnerable, affirm and listen to one another, cultivate common interests, give each other space, and accept and love each other unconditionally.  Nothing builds emotional intimacy like spending time together and affirming each other.  Affirmation is the vitamin of the soul and time binds you together.
3. Physical intimacy:  Accept that physical intimacy is a gift from God and that you both need it!  Make time for it, be spontaneous, do it often, and make it fun and romantic.  Understand that physical intimacy is not emotional intimacy, but it is best practiced after emotional intimacy.

Through the redemptive work of Christ’s death and resurrection, we can experience restoration in our relationships and marriages, which leads to the Lord’s blessing in our work.  We need a healthy, God-centered relationship with our spouse to fully carry out the Kingdom work that God has called us to do.  Each partner, working in complete oneness and wholeness, allows for a complete flow of ideas and insights, leading to fulfillment, satisfaction and purpose in vocation.  A transparent couple, pursuing a lifestyle of walking in the Spirit in full emotional, spiritual, and physical unity with each other and with God, is a powerful symbol – it is the model of the Lord’s relationship between Himself and His church!

My prayer for you today is that God will give you the grace to build a solid foundation of spiritual, emotional, and physical intimacy so you can fully honor Him in your marriage and business.