LakedockflashlightI was so excited for our vacation.

A much needed week – just Tom and I – with 2 friends who love Jesus…golf…and the beauty of the sun rising over Lake Michigan.

It was lovely!!!

Yet…the slower pace brought something I did not expect.

Time.

Time to simply be with my thoughts…to let the sadness of this past year sift slowly through my heart and soul.

I was not ready.

Tears came far too easily.

Really???

So…into Tom’s arms I would run for the hug I needed to stay upright.

And – one particular afternoon – I dared take my sorrow into the presence of my girlfriend.

Thankfully…she knew exactly what to say…

Or – better yet – what not to say!

She had the courage to simply let me cry…and just be there.

Or…better yet – give me the space to go be in the presence of The Lord.

Off to my room…again pouring out my heart.

Praising – thanking – yet continuing to intercede for the healing of my daughter from this awful thing called cancer.

Into the arms of my Lord…asking him to help me keep “fighting the good fight of faith”.

A fight that is so often against fear. A fight to trust Him and keep walking by faith and not by sight.

I have to admit – I am battle weary.

God knows that.

He is strong when I am weak.

He rescues – He saves – He lifts me up out of the pit.

And sometimes…He even recommends a book.

A gift from another friend and prayer warrior…just the encouragement I needed: Carol Kent’s book, “When I Lay My Isaac Down”.

I devoured the pages as Carol and her husband Gene shared their powerful testimony of faith that is real…raw…and dares to ask…”where are you in all of this, God???”

It is about faith built on trust that cannot be shaken.

You know….I’ve actually wondered how you gain that kind of faith???

I think Carol says it best when she writes:

“God’s Spirit whispered, I am not asking you to trust Me. I am teaching you (present tense, continuing action) to trust me. Just take the next step.”

And so it has been.

How often I have told friends when they ask….”how do you do it???”

My answer…

“I simply do the next thing.”

One day at a time.

Ceaseless prayers coming off my lips…not just in dedicated times of prayer…that would never sustain me. Intercession must be constant.

And so…

I think the tag line of Carol Kent’s book says it all…

                 “Unshakeable Faith in Unthinkable Circumstances!”

That kind of faith is built on trust that is learned….that is earned…that is only found when you need it most.

Gratefully – Fearfully – Trustingly – I continue my learning…being held up by those who love me…trusting that God will be with me every step of the way!

So today I can say, “I trust you Lord – even when I don’t get it!”

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