iStock_000019999808XSmallIn a dream…while on vacation.

Clear – unmistakable.

God answers.

I know that voice.

I have heard it before.

Not often…but when God really wants my attention – that’s’ how he gets it.

Undivided.  Undistracted.


Maybe it is in the quiet of the night that I actually slow down long enough to stop all my striving…to actually be available to listen???

Just finishing the book of Job…now entering Ecclesiastes…

Guess I’m not the only one who has ever been desperate for answers?

How often this past year I have often found myself before The Lord asking Him to help me make sense of things that don’t seem to make any earthly sense at all?

Please Lord please!

I just want to understand…


Why cancer?

Why my baby girl?

Why so young?

Why this rare, aggressive disease?

No “real” answers coming.

Not in my prayers…

Not in my journaling.

In my Bible…sometimes.

Words of encouragement…

Words that promise the goodness of God…

Words that strengthen my feeble and faltering faith.

But still I long for answers that will satisfy the deepest yearnings of my soul.

Over time…the WHY questions subsided.

Instead, as only God can do…

He has put a new refrain in my heart.

A refrain that seems strange given the circumstances?

When I don’t know what to think…

When I don’t know what to say…

The words, “God is good” spill over my lips.

When it first started happening…it actually surprised me.

How can it be?

In the midst of fear and sorrow…

In the midst of weeping and tears…

The only thing I can say…”God is good!”

I guess God knew?

Until THAT truth became my overwhelming reality.

I would not be able to handle the answer he wanted to give me.

As I woke…sun streaming in over the South Carolina marsh…

It was as if the voice I heard in my dream was still  resounding in my ears.

I remembered it clearly and completely.

“It’s really very simple, Pam….

I am the creator.

I am the one who chooses.

And some my dear child are given the assignment of suffering.

Not for the sake of suffering.

But to be my witness.”

That was it.

So real.

So definitive.

Not with a roar of thunder but a sweet gentle voice of compassion.

Still now, the depth of God’s answer continues to unfold.

Only God knows the heart…

Only God knows the faith…

Only God knows the ones who will be the witnesses He needs here on the earth…who can be counted on to draw others to Him through the depth of their faith in the midst of suffering.

One such person?  

My incredible daughter, Amanda!!!

As her Mom, I am…





A year ago  – I wouldn’t have been ready for that answer.

But, as I have watched – and seen all who have been impacted by her witness – I know God has chosen well.

“Indeed, in my heart I have felt the pain of death.  But this has happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.  He has delivered us from such a deadly peril and he will deliver us again!  On him we have set our hope.”  (2 Corinthians 1:9-10)

Yes…God has chosen well.

And God is good!!!


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